SKIN TIGHTENING SECRETS

SKIN TIGHTENING SECRETS

A sagging face is arguably one of the most prominent signs of aging. Yes, wrinkles are up there too, but one could acquire wrinkles at a young age from squinting or even smiling too much! But sagging skin is something that comes with getting older.

As you age, your skin begins to produce less oil, making it become drier and loose. This causes you to not just look old, but feel old too. There are cosmetic procedures that can reverse this problem, but they’re all pretty invasive and require weeks of recovery time. There are ways to obtain tighter and younger-looking skin without having to undergo cosmetic surgery. One of them is opting for topical skin tightening treatments.

When looking for a topical skin tightening treatment, it’s important to understand the difference between topical agents that reduce the appearance of wrinkles and those that actually tighten the skin and reduce sag. Most of the time consumers begin a regimen consisting of only anti-wrinkle creams that only help smooth out wrinkles but not actually tighten the skin. This is why hope is lost and more invasive and dangerous routes are taken.

If you’re trying to tighten your sagging skin, you’re going to need an “anti-aging” treatment. This could come in the form of a cream or serum. The reason why is because anything that contains the word “anti-aging” focuses on the whole aspect of aging, as opposed to a wrinkle cream which only focuses on one. Remember, aging isn’t just the appearance of wrinkles, it’s sagging skin, uneven skin tone and dark spots.

A quality anti-aging treatment will include skin firming ingredients such as DMAE which has been proven to improve not only tighten and firm the skin, but also tone the muscles beneath, to give the face a leaner appearance. Another important ingredient to look for in anti-aging treatments is Ubiquinone. Ubiquonine is a super antioxidant that boosts our body’s ability to produce collagen, elastin and other important skin molecules, helping our skin look young and healthy.

One thing to keep in mind is to steer clear of products containing “artificial collagen”. These products only provide a temporary result and don’t produce long term effects. Everyone knows our skin needs collagen to look younger and tighter. Once we hit 25, the production of collagen begins to slow down. It’s as if the factory is losing workers every year, and suddenly it just goes out of business and shuts down. Products which contain DMAE and Ubiquinone, work by helping your body produce the components (elastin and collagen) that once made your skin young and wrinkle free.

The key to finding the perfect anti-aging treatment lies within reading product reviews and actually trying out the product for yourself. Everyone’s skin is different and reacts differently to even the most expensive of products. That being said, we recommend a product that is hypoallergenic and not tested on animals. We’ve reviewed a few and the one that out-shined the rest was a cream called LifeCell All-in-One Anti-Aging treatment. It was the only product we found that targeted all aspects of aging. Wrinkles, sagging skin, discoloration, dryness, etc. Lifecell contains all of the ingredients mentioned before and even more age-fighting ingredients.

More Information on products...

http://www.skincaresearch.com/skin-tightening-secrets/?gclid=CMmH_L7f8LgCFStxQgodSBQADQ

TOP 10 PRODUCTS

#1 - LifeCell Anti-Aging Cream 

#2 - La Prairie Cellular Cream 

#3 - StriVectin Wrinkle Serum 

#4 - Skinceuticals CE Ferulic 

#5 - Crème De La Mer 

#6 - Freeze 24-7 Anti-Wrinkle 

#7 - Estee Lauder Perfectionist 

#8 - Olay Regenerist 

#9 - Clinique Repairwear 

#10 - Meaningful Beauty 

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Mayo Clinic on Arthritis

Mayo Clinic on Arthritis

How to manage pain and lead an active life

If you have arthritis, you have lots of company. More than 46 million Americans have it, and it's the No. 1 cause of disability in the U.S.

Mayo Clinic wants to help you reduce the pain and disability associated with the two most common forms of arthritis — osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.

How? By sharing with you much of the same practical, state-of-the-art knowledge that our doctors, nurses and therapists use in caring for our patients. Based on medical research and practice, many effective treatment strategies are now available to you.

It's all in our new 320-page book, Mayo Clinic on Arthritis: How to manage pain and lead an active life. This book brings you powerful, potentially life-altering news ...

If you understand your condition and its treatment options, you can live more productively and more comfortably with arthritis. Put this practical knowledge to use in daily living and quickly see the benefits.

Our new book includes useful information for more than 100 forms of arthritis.

• Part 1 focuses on osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.
• Part 2 covers all the latest treatments, including a medications guide and chapters on joint surgery, pain control, complementary and alternative treatments and promising new therapies.
• Part 3 offers an in-depth guide to living with arthritis.

Mayo Clinic publications have provided arthritis care information to millions of readers. Our doctors, nurses and therapists have provided care to many thousands of patients. Today we'd like to include you in growing the circle of friends who are enjoying the benefits of Mayo-approved arthritis treatments and therapies.

"When you learn that you have arthritis, you might fear the worst — a life hobbled by pain and disability. Mayo Clinic on Arthritis should put those fears to rest by providing you with tools to gain control over the disease."— April Chang-Miller, M.D., Medical Editor

"We can help you get your arthritis under control so you can remain engaged in the things that matter to you." — April Chang-Miller, M.D., Medical Editor

YOUR COMPLIMENTARY
FREE GIFT...

Order today and you'll also receive this downloadable bonus gift — Your Guide to Vitamin & Mineral Supplements.

Get unbiased advice from Mayo Clinic on which supplements you may need to maintain optimum health based on your own personal vitamin and mineral needs, including:

• Vitamin and mineral basics
• Should you take supplements?
• How much do you need?
• Choosing and using supplements
• Supplements and digestive health problems

When you purchase Mayo Clinic newsletters and books, proceeds are used to further medical education and research at Mayo Clinic. You not only get the answers to your questions on health, you become part of the solution.

Order yours:

https://store.mayoclinic.com/products/books/Details.cfm?mpid=142&trkid=22786S612959290

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Gastric bypass diet: What to eat after the surgery

Definition

The gastric bypass diet is designed for people who are recovering from gastric bypass surgery to help them heal and change their eating habits. Your doctor or a registered dietitian can help you with a gastric bypass diet by guiding meal planning.

A gastric bypass diet specifies what type and how much food you can eat at each meal. Closely following your gastric bypass diet can help you lose weight safely.

Purpose

The gastric bypass diet has several purposes:

• To allow the staple line in your stomach to heal without being stretched by the food you eat
• To get you accustomed to eating the smaller amounts of food that can be digested comfortably and safely in your smaller stomach
• To help you lose weight and avoid gaining excess weight
• To avoid side effects and complications

Diet details

Diet recommendations after gastric bypass surgery or other weight-loss surgery vary depending on the type of surgery, where the surgery is performed and your individual situation.

Most commonly, the gastric bypass diet has four phases to help you ease back into eating solid foods. How quickly you move from one step to the next depends on how fast your body heals and adjusts to the change in eating patterns. You can usually start eating regular foods with a firmer texture about three months after surgery.

After gastric bypass or other weight-loss surgery, you must pay extra attention to signs that you feel hungry or full. You may develop some food intolerances or aversions.

Phase 1: Liquid dietYou won't be allowed to eat for one to two days after gastric bypass surgery so that your stomach can start to heal. After that, while you're still in the hospital, you start a diet of liquids and semisolid foods to see how you tolerate foods after surgery.

Foods you may be able to have on phase 1 of the gastric bypass diet include:

• Broth
• Unsweetened juice
• Milk
• Strained cream soup
• Sugar-free gelatin

During phase 1, sip fluids slowly and drink only 2 to 3 ounces (59 to 89 milliliters, or mL) at a time. Don't drink carbonated or caffeinated beverages. And don't eat and drink at the same time. Wait about 30 minutes after a meal to drink anything.

Phase 2: Pureed foodsOnce you're able to tolerate liquid foods for a few days, you can begin to eat pureed (mashed up) foods. During this two- to four-week-long phase, you can only eat foods that have the consistency of a smooth paste or a thick liquid, without any solid pieces of food in the mixture.

To puree your foods, choose solid foods that will blend well, such as:

• Lean ground meats
• Beans
• Fish
• Egg whites
• Yogurt
• Soft fruits and vegetables
• Cottage cheese

Blend the solid food with a liquid, such as:

• Water
• Fat-free milk
• Juice with no sugar added
• Broth
• Fat-free gravy

Keep in mind that your digestive system might still be sensitive to spicy foods or dairy products. If you'd like to eat these foods during this phase, add them into your diet slowly and in small amounts.

Phase 3: Soft, solid foodsWith your doctor's OK, after a few weeks of pureed foods, you can add soft, solid foods to your diet. If you can mash your food with a fork, it's soft enough to include in this phase of your diet.

During this phase, your diet can include:

• Ground or finely diced meats
• Canned or soft, fresh fruit
• Cooked vegetables

You usually eat soft foods for eight weeks before eating foods of regular consistency with firmer texture, as recommended by your dietitian or doctor.

Phase 4: Solid foodsAfter about eight weeks on the gastric bypass diet, you can gradually return to eating firmer foods. You may find that you still have difficulty eating spicier foods or foods with crunchy textures. Start slowly with regular foods to see what foods you can tolerate.

Avoid these foodsEven at this stage after surgery, avoid these foods:

• Nuts and seeds
• Popcorn
• Dried fruits
• Sodas and carbonated beverages
• Granola
• Stringy or fibrous vegetables, such as celery, broccoli, corn or cabbage
• Tough meats or meats with gristle
• Breads

These foods are discouraged because they typically aren't well tolerated in the weeks after surgery and might cause gastrointestinal symptoms. Over time, you may be able to try some of these foods again, with the guidance of your doctor.

A return to normalThree to four months after weight-loss surgery, you may be able to start returning to a normal healthy diet, depending on your situation and any foods you may not be able to tolerate. It's possible that foods that initially irritated your stomach after surgery may become more tolerable as your stomach continues to heal.

Throughout the phasesTo ensure that you get enough vitamins and minerals and keep your weight-loss goals on track, at each phase of the gastric bypass diet, you should:

• Keep meals small. During the diet progression, you should eat several small meals a day and sip liquids slowly throughout the day (not with meals). You might first start with six small meals a day, then move to four meals and finally, when following a regular diet, decrease to three meals a day. Each meal should include about a half-cup to a cup of food. Make sure you eat only the recommended amounts and stop eating before you feel full.
• Take recommended vitamin and mineral supplements. Because a portion of your small intestine is bypassed after surgery, your body won't be able to absorb enough nutrients from your food. You'll need to take a multivitamin supplement every day for the rest of your life, so talk to your doctor about what type of multivitamin might be right for you, and whether you might need to take additional supplements, such as calcium.
• Drink liquids between meals. Drinking liquids with your meals can cause pain, nausea and vomiting as well as dumping syndrome. Also, drinking too much liquid at or around mealtime can leave you feeling overly full and prevent you from eating enough nutrient-rich foods. Expect to drink at least 6 to 8 cups (48 to 64 ounces or 1.4 to 1.9 liters) of fluids a day to prevent dehydration.
• Eat and drink slowly. Eating or drinking too quickly may cause dumping syndrome — when foods and liquids enter your small intestine rapidly and in larger amounts than normal, causing nausea, vomiting, dizziness, sweating and eventually diarrhea. To prevent dumping syndrome, choose foods and liquids low in fat and sugar, eat and drink slowly, and wait 30 to 45 minutes before or after each meal to drink liquids. Take at least 30 minutes to eat your meals and 30 to 60 minutes to drink 1 cup (237 milliliters) of liquid. Avoid foods high in fat and sugar, such as nondiet soda, candy, candy bars and ice cream.
• Chew food thoroughly. The new opening that leads from your stomach into your intestine is very small, and larger pieces of food can block the opening. Blockages prevent food from leaving your stomach and can cause vomiting, nausea and abdominal pain. Take small bites of food and chew them to a pureed consistency before swallowing. If you can't chew the food thoroughly, don't swallow it.
• Try new foods one at a time. After surgery, certain foods may cause nausea, pain and vomiting or may block the opening of the stomach. The ability to tolerate foods varies from person to person. Try one new food at a time and chew thoroughly before swallowing. If a food causes discomfort, don't eat it. As time passes, you may be able to eat this food. Foods and liquids that commonly cause discomfort include meat, bread, pasta, rice, raw vegetables, milk and carbonated beverages. Food textures not tolerated well include dry, sticky or stringy foods.
• Focus on high-protein foods. Immediately after your surgery, eating high-protein foods can help heal your wounds, regrow muscle and skin, and prevent hair loss. High-protein, low-fat choices remain a good long-term diet option after your surgery, as well. Try adding lean cuts of beef, chicken, pork, fish or beans to your diet. Low-fat cheese, cottage cheese and yogurts also are good protein sources.
• Avoid foods that are high in fat and sugar. After your surgery, it may be difficult for your digestive system to tolerate foods that are high in fat or added sugars. Avoid foods that are fried and look for sugar-free options of soft drinks and dairy products.

Results

Gastric bypass and other bariatric surgery can result in long-term weight loss. The amount of weight you lose depends on your type of weight-loss surgery and the changes you make in your lifestyle habits. It may be possible to lose half, or even more, of your excess weight within two years.

The gastric bypass diet can help you recover from surgery and return to enjoying many of the healthy foods before surgery. And remember that if you return to unhealthy eating habits after weight-loss surgery, you may not lose all of your excess weight, or you can eventually regain any weight that you do lose.

Risks

The greatest risks of the gastric bypass diet come from not following the diet properly. If you eat too much or eat food that you shouldn't, you could have complications. These include:

• Dumping syndrome. This complication occurs most often after eating foods high in sugar or fat. These foods travel quickly through your stomach pouch and "dump" into your intestine. Dumping syndrome can cause nausea, vomiting, dizziness, sweating and eventually diarrhea.
• Dehydration. Because you're not supposed to drink fluids with your meals, some people become dehydrated. You can prevent dehydration by sipping 48 to 64 ounces (1.4 to 1.9 liters) of water or other low-calorie beverages throughout the day.
• Nausea and vomiting. If you eat too much, eat too fast or don't chew your food adequately, you may become nauseated or vomit after meals.
• Constipation. If you don't follow a regular schedule for eating your meals, don't eat enough fiber or don't exercise, you may become constipated.
• Blocked opening of your stomach pouch. It's possible for food to become lodged at the opening of your stomach pouch, even if you carefully follow the diet. Signs and symptoms of a blocked stomach opening include ongoing nausea, vomiting and abdominal pain. Call your doctor if you have these symptoms for more than two days.
• Weight gain or failure to lose weight. If you continue to gain weight or fail to lose weight on the gastric bypass diet, it's possible you could be eating too many calories. Talk to your doctor or dietitian about changes you can make to your diet.

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Are You a Caregiver or about to be?

Start the Conversation

A lot of uncertainty can be avoided if you talk with your loved ones before something happens. It’s easy to put off these conversations because it’s hard to accept our parents are aging. Plus, we’re busy. It never seems like the right time to bring up what we think will likely be a difficult topic. You may be surprised to find your parents have been meaning to have the talk too and are relieved when you take the lead.

Look for an opening. You might come up with an ice breaker or opening to raise the topic of future care, such as:

• “I’m starting to think about estate planning, do you have any advice?”
• “I just read an article about gathering all your important papers. Sometime can you show me where yours are and what you’d like us to do just in case?”
• “As time goes on, do you think you will want to stay in this house? It might be difficult with all the stairs.”
• “You mentioned your eyes are bothering you. Is that causing problems with reading or driving?

Try not to anticipate what your parents might say or how they will react. Just get the conversation started. It will likely take place over time. Be open. Express your love and concern — and, most importantly, listen.

Respect your parent’s wishes. Every caregiving plan must center on the wishes of the person receiving the care. A plan should never be made without the participation, knowledge, and consent of your loved one. A person with a cognitive impairment should participate as much as possible. Once you’ve brought up the subject, bring in a few other trusted family members to be part of the process and have a nuts-and-bolts conversation. Before meeting, you and the other family members should consider...

• Who is the best person to start or lead the conversation with your loved one?
• What are your own feelings and outlook on the situation?
• What are your goals or what is the best thing you think might happen as a result of the conversation?
• What are you prepared to do and not do?
• What is the most difficult thing for you about having this conversation about the person you care about?

It’s important to have a point person to keep the process going and make sure people understand what’s been decided. In most families, one person assumes the primary role because he or she lives nearby, has a close relationship with the parent, or simply is a take-charge person. Expect that there may be conflicts and don’t be afraid to talk them out. Better now, than in a time of crisis.

Size up the situation. Figuring out what your loved one’s priorities are — where they want to live and the nature of the care needed — will help you determine the next steps. It can lead you to find resources ahead of time. Parents may be hesitant to share the details of their finances or health, but approach them with respect and explain your intentions.

Review finances. Money can be a particularly sensitive subject, but it’s often at the heart of many decisions you’ll make with your parents about housing, health care and other expenses. One thing that caregivers often find surprising is that unless your parents have long-term care insurance, most health insurance, including Medicare, pay for little, if any, of the cost of help with daily activities such as bathing, dressing or eating. Ask them to review their bank accounts, investments, insurance coverage, and other loans with you. Determine with your parents whether they have funds or assets that can be used to cover potential care needs.

Counter resistance. Your mother might say, “I just don’t want to talk about it.” Sometimes parents are private by nature or one spouse might be protective of the other’s limitations. It’s also hard to admit they need help, especially from their own children—who they taught to drive and balance a checkbook.

Be sensitive to the possible reasons behind their push back—but don’t give up. It’s hard for your parents to discuss what they may see as being a burden on their children. If your first conversation doesn’t go well,try again. Start small, discussing just one aspect of your concerns.

Concern for their safety. If your parents shut you out and you think they truly need help, ask a trusted family friend, doctor or faith leader to approach them about your unease. If you feel your parents are at immediate risk or unsafe in their living situation, you may need to contact adult protective services or the police to get involved. This extreme situation underscores the importance of planning early to avoid a forced intervention.

See everything that aarp.org/caregiving has to offer.

Read more: 
http://www.oprah.com/health/How-to-Start-the-Caregiving-Conversation#ixzz2bPfPjWey

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6 Invisible Signs You’re Burnt Out

6 Invisible Signs You’re Burnt Out

During a quick nap, you had a crazy dream about your coworkers turning into mice wearing cardigans.

But wait (you're thinking): A short doze means I'm taking care of myself—and don't doctors recommend taking a nap as a way to get a second wind? The problem here isn't with the siesta; it's with what happens during that time period. It usually takes about 90 minutes to enter REM sleep and start dreaming, says W. Christopher Winter, the medical director of the Martha Jefferson Hospital Sleep Medicine Center in Charlottesville, Virginia. The maximum length of your nap should be around 30 minutes, because once you've hit REM, the nap becomes counterproductive (you'll wake up groggy instead of refreshed, says Winter). So if the mouse dressed like your cube-mate scampers out as soon as you close your eyes, it means your brain is so sleep-deprived that it's rushing to get into the REM phase. A scheduled nap can help make up for one late night, says Winter, not a month's worth. 

You're convinced that you've got early-onset dementia—at 33.

"We often see patients who are healthy yet extremely fatigued telling us that they're starting to forget things they should remember," says Anne Marie Albano, PhD, the director of the Columbia University Clinic for Anxiety and Related Disorders. "I tell them about the shelf theory of memory: You can only put so much on the shelf at one time, and when you're exhausted, the shelf isn't supporting memories the way it should." You are focusing so intensely on the mental challenges at hand that everything else is subconsciously deemed irrelevant. This is due to the stress hormone cortisol's complicated effect on memories, explains John Ratey, MD, in his book Spark: The Evolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Excess cortisol can cause us to lose the ability to form and store new memories not related to the present situation and can also make it difficult to retrieve the memories we already have. 

Instead of helping you burn off steam, your usual 45-minute jog makes you feel even worse.

If you're really frazzled when you start to exercise, your body reacts differently than if you aren't in such a state, explains Sarah L. Berga, MD, professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Wake Forest School of Medicine in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Berga and her colleagues have observed that moderately-intense exercise can cause cortisol levels to spike even higher in women who are already so stressed that they've been missing their periods. At the same time, the "hyperstressed" women's glucose levels dropped, which meant there was less available energy to fuel their exertion. Berga suggests taking a break from hard workouts and signing up for a package of Pilates classes instead. 

Read more: 

http://www.oprah.com/health/Signs-You-Are-Burnt-Out-Burnout-Signs-Sings-You-Are-Overworked#ixzz2bPQKaxt0

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14 Moments That Make or Break a Relationship

14 Moments That Make or Break a Relationship

1. The First Time One of You Drives

A car ride together can be many things: a peacock-like display of assets; a show of skill and prowess; a date in itself (if you're 16 or a city dweller with a Zipcar). Whom does he trust to navigate—you, him or that GPS lady? Who do you?

2. The Seconds Following Your First Kiss

When this dalliance flowers into a true-love, toothbrush-sharing situation, that first kiss is going to become the stuff of relationship lore, a creation myth shared with your fascinated/horrified children. Pay attention. You're going to need every detail.

3. The Time He Cooks for You and Fails

4. The Time You Cook for Him and Fail

5. The Parking-Lot Puke of Love

In the beginning, you go out of your way to present the best version of yourself to your potential mate. Bad moods are concealed. Weaknesses avoided. ("Bowling? Oh, no thanks!") So when you punctuate an overly zesty dinner date with throwing up Chile rellenos into a parking-lot tree pit, it might be his first chance to see the real, unvarnished, purely-you you. Assuming he doesn't shield his eyes in embarrassed disgust.

6. The First Time You Actually REM-Sleep Together

Sleeping together is one thing. SLEEPING together is another. Here is your future-every-night. So take careful, scientific note of any notable instances of snoring, sleepwalking, larcenous duvet-hoarding and/or drool puddles of unusual size. And then think carefully before accepting that next sleepover-party invitation, or in 10 years you might find yourself sleeping on the sofa wearing earplugs. (And if you're sure he's worth it, take this moment to invest in a really comfy sofa.)

7. When You Meet His Best Friend from Back in the Day...

...and you see a whole new side of him.

8. Attending Your First Wedding as a Couple (Hopefully not Your Own)

Once you've gotten through chicken-or-fish, filibuster-length toasts and doing the YMCA dressed in taffeta with someone, you are essentially war buddies. Well? Would you want to go into buffet-style battle a hundred more times with this guy? If he still seemed charming when your pumps started pinching your feet, it's probably a very good sign.

9. The Moment You're Tempted to Tell a Little White Lie

A white lie is, after all, a lie. What are you really trying to hide?

10. The Talk

At some point, you're going to have to talk about sex. Nobody wants to. But you gotta. And how you talk about it might just inform hundreds of intimate moments down the line, so you both had better be as honest as you can possibly muster. If he's secretly hoping there's a French-maid costume in your shared future, or your interest in 50 Shades of Grey goes beyond writing a book report, and neither of you checks to make sure the other is on board, you're going to end up two not-so-secretly disappointed creatures.

11. Finding the Text from His Ex

The phone vibrates and you automatically pick it up because it looks just like your phone, only what does not look just like your phone is the text that is from Sue—Sue?!—yes, Sue. What matters here is your reaction: Are you shaking, dry-mouthed, certain of betrayal, racing through weeks' worth of texts that are strictly none of your beeswax? Does it make you merely curious to learn more about this man's past? Do you not care at all? Give that feeling as much attention as you do the message itself: It's a whole lot more revealing.

12. Spending the $1,000 You Can't Really Spare

You know what they say: You never forget your first major investment mistake. Maybe it's a bad 401(k) choice or buying a house at the height of the market. Maybe it's just a suddenly scrutinized habit of lending cash to unreliable relatives. Think of this as a mistakortunity! Finances will be discussed. Will they be shared? Or will they remain linked but forever separate, like Lucy and Ricky's twin beds?

13.The First Time Your Baby Doesn't Sleep All Night

Nothing tests a couple's mettle like sleeplessness, that most mundane of all torture devices. You're both raw, and since you've just created an extra human, the stakes are high; but the rewards for reconciliation are oh, so bounteous.

14. When You Run into the One Who Got Away

...and you realize he's just another guy.

More information:

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Relationship-Advice-Moments-That-Make-Or-Break-Relationship/15

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Slept With Him Too Soon? Here’s How to Fix It ~

Knowing when to sleep with a guy is powerful information. But what if you made a mistake? Can it be fixed? Can the relationship still be salvaged if you slept with him too soon?

Hey Claire! Do men feel a disrespect for women who have sex with them too early (2nd date)? I am very interested in a man I met a month ago. Needless to say, the attraction is over the top. I NEVER sleep with men I am not in relationship with…until now. I feel like he will not respect me and I now feel like I should tell him I have lost respect for myself. Thoughts? Thanks! - Jaymie

First, MOST women want more than a casual fling. Just like you, Jaymie, most women want an actual relationship; the kind of connection that – with the right man — grows into a committed, long-term thing. So you were swimming around in all those pheromones and jump-in-the-sack chemicals (his and yours), and you let yourself do something you don’t normally do. Well…

Everyone makes mistakes. We all do things that make us slap our foreheads and think, “I can NOT believe I did that!” So try not to beat yourself up too much about it. The two of you were both hot and bothered and you followed your animal instincts and did the deed. Usually you think more clearly about these things, but this time… Well, it happens. Like they say down here in the South, “It ain’t a hanging crime.”

And, not every guy feels the same about this. It’s just not possible to say every man will toss a woman into the “casual hookup” category (although lots will). Sure, maybe he’s like that, but he might also be a fairly enlightened guy who had a great time and hopes he’ll get to know you more in the future. I’m just saying it’s possible.

So, if you want to try and salvage something from this, how you handle things immediately after is critical.

1. DON’T bemoan your mistake or tear yourself down in front of him.

Don’t ever deliver a list of all your mistakes and shortcomings to a boyfriend (especially a guy you hardly know). That just makes you look less capable and more needy. It diminishes you in his eyes, and doesn’t help your own self-esteem, either.

In fact, that kind of quick self-condemnation can get you into a relationship with a very creepy controller/abuser type pretty fast, and those relationships are dangerous and hard to escape without help.

Chalk it up to a learning experience. But don’t put yourself down in front of him or any other man.

2. DON’T act like it’s a huge deal, but be clear about what you want.

Do men feel a disrespect for women who have sex with them too early? Sometimes, perhaps. A more accurate way to put it would be to say that they are glad to get the sex, but they typically take you out of consideration for an LTR or serious relationship. There are only a few exceptions to that rule.

It’s probably going to come up in conversation, especially if he hopes to make it happen again. Most guys will start calling and texting regularly, hoping to get lucky again. If you want more, don’t give in to the bootie call.

Let him know you liked getting busy with him, but you want more than just great sex with a man. And don’t be afraid to invite him out for a “regular” date.

Whatever you say, keep it complimentary, brief, and clear.

“You were amazing that night. I admit I don’t usually go so far so fast with a guy. But the sight of those broad shoulders of yours… I’m going to have to wait and see if you’re really the kind of man I can be more serious with. By the way, I’m headed to the music festival downtown this Saturday. Interested in coming along?”

3. DO keep on having a fabulous life.

Here’s the hard part. You can’t bring everything to a screeching halt while you hold your breath and plead with all the dating gods to magically transform him into your prince.

You barely know this guy, and you’re not likely to know whether he’s your forever man until the two of you have been though much more than this together. So meanwhile, keep dating. Enjoy your fabulous life. Be the woman every man wishes he could win!

That in itself is intensely attractive!

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Claire Casey

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